Missing Christmas

I'm dreaming tonight of a place I love. Even more than I usually do. And although I know it's a long road back, I promise you.... I'll be home for Christmas.... If only in my dreams. ~my current favorite version of this song by Michael Buble'. Give it a listen, it's great!

Every year that I don't plan on being at home in Arizona for Christmas I have a good attitude about it and don't get too sad. Until Christmas is actually here and I start thinking of all the things I am missing by not being at home. This year has been especially hard, I blame it on pregnancy hormones, but hard none the less.

When I was a growing up Christmas was hands down the best time of the year. My family had so many traditions that started right after Thanksgiving and lasted all month long. Maybe it was the fact that all 17 of my Heap cousins lived in St. Johns and that we gathered at Nana and Papa's house pretty much daily. Or maybe it was that Grammy and Papa came up from Phoenix to spend the holidays and we went there daily as well. Either way, the Holidays were an awesome, Magical time. We were never alone, always had family around, and that's what made the Holidays the best. In my world there was no other way to spend Christmas except surrounded by lots of family, food, and fun. I am pretty sure that my memories and feelings of Christmas as a kid are what makes it so hard for me to be away from home during the holidays. I feel so bad that my own kids are not experiencing Christmas like I did. I feel like they are missing out on so much and it makes me sad. Yes I know that I chose to stay in Utah for Christmas, Mark would take us down right now if I asked him too. And at some moments in the day when we are alone in our house with no other family around, I am ready to head down the road despite the long drive.

Despite my longing for HOME, I am excited about Christmas and I really do hope that I can somehow make Christmas as meaningful and fun for my kids as it was for me. And to my brother Kent who is also so far from home for Christmas, we love you and hope your Christmas is Wonderful. I'm sorry to say brother, but it does make me feel a little better knowing that I am not the only one who is missing out on Christmas in AZ!